Bass player offenses and fines

Bass player offenses/fines list
from anon-11644109@craigslist.org via Melina.

My bassplayer ex-boyfriend used to say there are two kinds of bassplayers - the tall skinny gloomy ones and the plump cheery ones. Sadly, he was of the first kind.

Name of offender _____________________________
Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

Musical offenses

• Sound-checking amp with funk slapping — $25
  
• Loud cursing after mistake — $10
  
• Playing high and fast after mistake — $20
  
• Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes — $20
  
• Asking for "E" tuning note — $25
  
• Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb — $50
  
• Writing note names over ledger-line notes — $50
  
• Playing eighth notes — $5 each
  
• Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each
  
• Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
  
• Dragging fast tempo — $75
  
• Dragging ballad tempo — $100
  
• Blacking out during ballad — $200
  
• Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me — $1000

Upright player offenses

• Asking leader for a solo — $30
  
• Accepting solo when offered — $50
  
• Taking second chorus — $100
  
• Playing solo arco — $400
  
• Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune — $25
  
• Playing "A Train" ending on every tune — $200
  
• Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune — $500

Electric player offenses

• Playing with a pick — $50
  
• Tuning during ballad — $30
  
• Attempting last word on final chord — $50
  
• Achieving last word on final chord — $100
  
• Long gliss down to final note — $200

Equipment violations—electric

• Forgetting strap — $10
  
• Forgetting to turn amp on — $40
  
• Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip — $50
  
• Asking horn player for help moving amp — $25
  
• Bringing custom-made bass — $100 per string above 4
  
• Bringing more than 1 bass — $100 per extra bass
  
• Skull decals on bass — $150
  
• Bringing fretless bass — $500

Criminal bad taste and basic stupidity

• Quoting "Birdland" — $25
  
• Practicing scales during break — $25
  
• Practicing scales during drum solo — $50
  
• Practicing — $150
  
• Continually asking "where are we?" — $25
  
• Continually shouting "Yeah!" — $25
  
• Taking cellphone call during 4's — $100

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