[Hannah]: Toxic Ant Salad

Our apartment was recently infested by ants. It was totally gross, even though they were only the little black ones.

How do we get rid of ants? I called Ma. She said to use Raid and then use vinegar because it confuses their little ant noses so they wont follow the trails of their dead comrades up onto your bedroom floor.

Heedless of the danger of a fatal Raid-vinegar chemical reaction, I applied first Raid and then vinegar to my bedroom floor. The ants disappeared.

One of my roommates just got her own ants. I gave her this solution, but being a tender hearted vegan she was not keen on the Raid, so instead she used *her* family's folk remedy (or maybe it was a vegan folk remedy): Black pepper all over the floor! I guess this would follow the same "confuse their noses" theory.

So at this point, our living room floor has both Raid and black pepper all over it, and one roommate or another may put down vinegar shortly.

WE HAVE CREATED A TOXIC ANT SALAD! All we need now is a little crushed garlic, and, uh, some Mace.

I told my roommate that my feet feel gritty, and I'm a little afraid I'm going to get chemical burns.

He glanced up at me thoughtfully. "Don't lick your feet."